Upfront - I am not a writer.  I have recently been reading a lot about how to make my life better.  Better structure, better workouts, better human interactions, better emotional state, and if you subscribe to better you will be better just for acting.  However, none of this can fill the true void of unknowing.  Why?  Why do anything?  Why be here?  Why now?  Why do I matter when there are billions of humans?  Surely not every individual can matter, right?  Look at the depravities and autracities that we inflict on our brothers and sisters in every part of the world every minute of every second of every day.  Surely not everyone can matter, or else we would be beyond cruel, right?  Less "human" than truth? 

What is this experience of "life"?  This perception of being a human in this time and place?  What am I supposed to do?  Should be I a scholar, a hobo, an asshole, a lover, a pacifist, an <insert> anything you?  How does being a good father make my purpose more important, more right, than the opposite?

There are more unanswerable questions than there are answerable ones.  So where do I begin?  What is important?

What if my actions don't matter the way I want them to matter on the grand scale of "being"?  What if we have the wrong perspective on existence?  What would that do for humanity? 

My goal through self exploration and observation is to try and extricate myself from the human experience to see what patterns emerge as my thoughts unravel and try to understand at least some 1st principles as to where time is taking the universe as we know it, and while I may not like the possibilities, I will be willing to accept any plausible explanation. 

Ultimately, I will chose to live within one of those explanations or chose to be ignorant and live the life I chose because I like it better.  There is one thing that we always have the control over, or at least can influence, our perception. 

This blog will meander and contradict itself, but it will be my stream of conscious, my quest, shared with anyone who is willing to come along with me.